She was a phase of my life...a beautiful phase...she was just like a wind dat blew pass me ..n broke me in to pieces..she was common  frnd n dats how i knew her...!long conversation followed after i took her no ...cell chats were replaced my yahoo messenger ....n den long calls..days after days we chatted n den we decided to meet up..she made up a time of 30 mins on a beautiful Wednesday...n i overjoyed went to meet her up..low at pocket money..orderd a plate of chicken momo..n decided to share it...30 each dat would be ...i spoke wen it was time for her to go...i walked wit her till her tution n den wit heavy hrt came back...i thought abt her day n night..lost sleep..lost appetite..it was hard to get her out of my mind..i somehow knew i was in love....days went by..like months..li felt restless..not able to see her..i craved to see her...i talked to her every day ..but somehow it felt dat haven’t  talked to her in ages...finally..on a rainy day i decided to confess..19^th july would be the date ...i went to the shop..with rain on my head..i walked through the water logged streets of behala..n my only companion was a dog who watched me from a shade nearby...i recharged my cell...came back home drenched..called her at nit...told her abt my feelings ..!..nothin was ll that i heard...the next morning changed my life..a simple call from her..!made my day..:) J..days passed as yrs..though i continued to love her..:) i slept wit her name n woke up wit her name..she was all i had in my mind..she was everythin to me...every thin was finr until dat day ..i got a cal from her..n wat followed dat only i know....tears rolled down my eyes..by her words..!..after a lot of undersatndin...everythin was in place but not the way it used to be coz a lot of condition cam between us..i still loved her n nde up my mind to give her wat she wanted..!coz i loved her like hell..den i tried my best to keep it..till another call changed my life completely....it was late at nit..a very special day of my life..!..only a yes from her side could change my life so much never thought of it..!...yesh she told me yes..she was my gf now....true love always wins..n it did...i thought dat wat i thought..but my imagination was into pieces in onny 43 days wen she broke up wit me ..witout any fault of me ..i was hrt broken ..i asked her..i called her....n asked for another chance n also the reason..but never got any ans..!..i kepy numb.. n waited for her to cum back to me ....days seemed like years to me ..!..we lost contact..i tried to contact her but.....tll the day specifically the day before my isc i came to know dat she was in a relation n moved in her lfe ..i was left alone just as i m now...!

intoxication

take lyf as it comes to u..dont expect more just have it ..as it gives u ...huh....i always thought i will live like dis..but never could..i always end up wantin n excepecting more...n wat i get in return is just pain...n nothin else..!Intoxication is on high roll...the room is dark..with only a table light..glowin..at the centre table...the blood red colour some how seems to be golden.....partly concentrated with smoke..the room looked lovely...all i can see...is  a bottle of somewhat rectangular in shape...with some thin written over it....both the widows of the room r locked to prevent the entry of bugs .....the hostel is empty..most of them..has ran our to their homes n the rest to Bangalore..i wit a frnd of mine continue to stay in room 67...mahatma gandhi 1ce said alcohol is not the answer to the questions ...dis was contradicted by vijya malya who said alcohol is surely not the answer to question but it surely makes u forget the question..(at least for sometime.:)....once that liquid runs down my throat..i feel some how it burnt it..but the fellin after it is fuckin awesome.....everythin in fornt of my eyes ..just begins to move...clockwise....i turned anti clockwise just to keep them straight..but it didnt worked.....my hand only knows wat m writing....coz my mind doesnt register dese things...a strong smells of gold flake tickled my nose..the thoughts..i kept down in my hrt..stoned down suddenly pricks my mind....i can fell a drop of water down my cheek..the warmth of the water...some hows gives me a coolin effect coz of the temp outside..!...i hear a long whistle .....somewhere....in our campus..!..the dogs have lost their mind..!..keeps on yelling..out....a few of them even barks....while the rest cries..my phone...kepps on glowin at regular interval..show the incomin of a call..but i m not in the state of pickin it..if i get up form bed..the next instance will be in the ground..witout any kind of clue  how i got their..!!...memories of ..my school creeps down my mind..!..those..long lectures dat we bunked ..!..those long sleeps in the last benches..!!...my meeting s that got cancelled.!,,more  a peg down...i cant feel anythin..!!....my hand seems senseless..!!,,my mind seems...mindless..!!i miss home...i miss my frnds ..i miss...those autos...which took me to tolly..i miss the v3..where i had a few best times of my life...the blue colour of blue banana//!...somehow...pulls me to it..!the monotonous..!playlist of china whites repels me frm it ..!..i miss the long adda in ju..!n the long walks in the lake..!!...as i see now...!i see i go down with two more pegs..!..n still sit n go on writing..!..someone outside..is knocking the door..!..Though m least interested to know..! a sip of marijuana...somehow brought back life in me..!!..i can see..a white light...!..may be its the main source if power what we call as god..!..lyf is a humdrum of affairs..!..a lot of things take place around u ..when u r asleep..!!..if u want to know all the things lyf would become..too ...tough n impossible to live...!..man i  m stoned..!!!

first love....

Dere I was..standin..near the bus..lookd up to get a glimpse….she sat..dere…at one end…with her shoulder length hair…speakin to sumone…I stared at her….wit a hope..dat some day she will be mine…alas…the word dat came out from her mouth..i think was destined for me..’ he is a loser’..i kept silent…her friend came up to me…n explained me everythin…I turned to go back…but never..turned my back on her..with the same hope…I walked away..!..days passed…regularly..i watched her..comin out of the school..n movin to her bus…she walked alone…or..kept just a friend…I guess she wanted to be alone..her thin lips sometimes..moved by her soft smile…she spoke very softly…n walked slow..as she walked..the way of her walkin..sometimes made me feel dat she knew I was watchin her..she never complained..she boarded her bus..n sat in her favorite window seat..!..i memorized t he schedule by which..i could get a glimpse of her..!..i tried to follow it..n succeeded ..i used to get..12 buck every day…as my..bus fare..i somehow saved 4 bucks…I had a small bank..n I hid my money dere…on Wednesday…I used to get…25 buks..coz I had a direct tuition from school…I never bunked Wednesdays…coz dat day I saved 17 bucks…n all of it went to my bank…I open the bank..only 1ce a year…dat too coz I had to buy something for her birthday….i planned abt a week back..abt wat to give her..i got out of my house..10 mins early….n ran to shop..to get something for her..i ever didn’t..try to give the gift with my own hands..i guess I was scared..dat she would..throw them away..i sent it by her frnds…ony ice I tried to give her a Christmas card..n the card ended up torn in a near by pond..dis silent love existed for a long tym..nither did I speak to her nor she..though..it was silent..it was my first love..:)

lost n found

Tik-tok..tik-tok…the time was running..in its own way……wit no signs of stopping..!...i was waitin..at the bus stop waitin for the others..its was 6 in the moring..a black travel bag was lying beside me..i looked up at my dad….when will every one come?!>>?>.i asked wit curious eyes..!n anxiously waited till I saw my best frnd running..towards me..he came up…with a smile n a look as if he had a lot of things to share..soon the place was crowded …we were asked to board the bus..we did as we r asked..!..soon the bus was filled n were ready to go..!i waved my parents…n the bus on the streets..Ready to roll..

Yes..i was goin on a trip..with my frnds..my school organized dis trip..it was 3 days trip…i was in class 3..n the first time I was in a trip without my parents..!..me with my 3 frnds…debraj..rahul…swagato…were together on this trip..!....me..was a little..scared..exited...never knew wat was cumin for me…!

We were sitting together…n thus..got..only one  window seat..so we got the window turn by turn..luckily I was the first one to sit first…soon I had to go to the other end..n give my frnds a chance..i was doin something..wen suddenly..a sweet voice..called me from the back..hey..is that your bag??>>…I turned around…n to my astonishment it was a gal..!..ya…I answered..!..it  looks gud she replied..!...dats brought a  big smile on my face..!..he he ….she showed me hers..!..n told dats mine..!....i soon figured it out dat she was not frm our skul..she was actually the daughter of a teacher who was accompanying us….that was the last talk we had dat day..!..soon we reached our destination..!MURSHIBADAB….!..we got down the bus wit our bags..n moved to the dormitory..!..i

It was a big hall..!wit beds lined up..on both the sides..we did as were instructed..the gals on one side n boys on the other..!..we took possession of our beds..n settled ourselves…the teachers stayed in a different room..!n were all alone here..!...it was really exciting..!:P..we changed..n were ready for lunch..!..den adda followed ..but really…my mind was not the place..i was noticing the gal..wit whom I had a conversation in the bus..she moved very close to me..some how I felt dat even she was noticing me…i managed to moved out of the place..n as my predictionweer right… she moved out of the room after me..i was scared I ran ….she ran after me..i came down the stairs n hid myself in the meter room..she found me..came..hold me by my hands..n whispered in my ears.. I LOVE U…I was stunned…I stood there silent..n slowly went up..n found her playin other gals at the end of the room..i sat down my my frnds..n stared at her…she was of my height…a little dark from skin..with beautiful eyes..those dreamy eyes looked up at me..i was speechless..in the evenin…I called up my parents to inform them abt my safe journey..!dat nit I couldn’t sleep…I thought abt her….night long..

The next day in the morning..we were gearing up coz we had to coz we had to do a lot of sight seeing….i waited in a long queue dat..led to the bathroom..finally got my chance..took a nice bath..a was ready to go out when there was knock at the door..i opened it…it was her…she pushed me in…n herself got in..n again…whispered those words in my ears n left..!..by dis act..everyone..figured dat something was cookin in between..!wen I entered the dormitory..i saw her standing..n everyone’s eyes were upon me..shit..i told to myself…my friends came up..started teasing me..i had a nice tym watchin the places I only read in my history book…it was really fascinating..in the late afternoon we returned for lunch..!..i tried to keep myself away from her ..when ever I was alone…she came after me..i ran..just to hide from her..i didn’t know wat she meant by dat..all I knew was dat..at that point of tym..it was STAY AWAY FRM GIRLS..so it was either frnds or her..:P..!...in the evenin…the lights went of..n we wit our torches..created a disco out there..ppl showed their talents..i stood in 1 corner coz ..i did not have any…!.....i only noticed her starin at me….later the light came ..n we went for dinnr…at night…while we were jumpin in our beds..she came..up to my bed…pulled me up..n took me to the centre of the room..i was speechless…den again whispered those word in my ears..i ran …as fast as I could….out the door n went up the stairs..i saw her searchin for me..failin…she went to slp wit her mom..i silently went back to my bed..

The next day we were abt to leave…we took all our belongings..n boarded the bus…I took the last seat..n sat quiet..finally we reached..back..it was almost evenin…every one went home…except me..my parents we still not there to pick me up…she stood beside me…I still remember…dat was the first time i saw a gal cryin..tears rolled own her cheeks….i was abt to speak..wen I heard my dad’s bike cumin….i went up to them..got up the bike…some how I wanted to wave her goodbye…but..couldnt..

With tym..i forgot abt the incident..but past haunts us..wen I understood the meaning of love I started searchin for her…I tried hard..every possible ways I did…n one day I found her…n luckily…today..we r good frnds…..

I know u will be readin dis…….so…just wanna say…thank u…..!!!

silence prevails

Silent prevailed in my room..!.for sometime..!!..just .like..arrow breaks through wind..!..a call of a bird..!..broke the silence.!!..i felt at  ease….!!..only sound in my room was dat off my processor..!..n the keys of the.keyboard  ..!.i can hear a faint voice..!comin from a distance.!!..it may someone singing..!or the prayer at a mosque..!my silent mobile..lightens up..at regular interval..showing the notification of a massage..!a unknown bird..calls continuously..may be..in search..!of its loved ones..!..wen I look out side the window..!!..i  see a reddish horizon..!..waitin..!for the sun.!..the trees r standin straight..!the leaves doesn’t even move a inch..!...some where..far I can see a Street lamp..lightened up..!..sometimes…a lizard..calls out..may be..tellin dat wat ever m thinkn is rite..a koel bird..sometimes calls out..!..the…beautiful call sooths my ear again.. the sky is no slowly turnin..greyish..!..!...

I went up to my verandah..!

The feelin..of the morning..!..ran through my spine.!!..!..the sky is lited up wit 3 differnet colurs..shades of blue..white n red..!i can see a dog sleepin..soundly..!in the road.!..a small red light..caught my view..!..it may be..a telephone tower..!..the monotonous…sound of the mosquitoes..is creatin  an unwanted..music near my ears…!i treid to..listen the calls of the birds..n understand…what they r tryin to say..!.some figured out..!..that cries out of pain..n some out of happiness..!..!...some cries..out of anger..n some..tells it to calm down..!..their r some bird.who  cries...to let the others know..dat a human is awake at dis point of tym..!!..!..the sky is now totally blue..!somehow..!..its feels the startin of a new day..!..!..its is really..impossible..to blive..!dat dis..silent environment turns out to be a commotion..at the end of the day..!

i m alone !

Never really gave a thought dat wat I would make up wit my life..!Now when I sit n think abt something. it generally reminds me of all the wrong dat I have done. in my life…it reflects back to me..!n give me the result..!Some how I feel Newton’s third law is applicable to this.Each n every thin I do ..comes back to me..wit a opposite force..the way I have hurt ppl..maybe..I get the same back..!in some way of the other..!..Sometimes ppl asks me..wat do I do stayin awake at nit..but..i m unable to answer.!..trust I have no idea wat I do..!Sometimes I sit silent..Sometimes...look at a the wall blank..or may be stare at the computer screen ..n after sometimes realize that..i was silent may be for an hour..but..never thought..dat..!..i would make dis wit my life..now when I sit..i recollect each n every past events in my life..those events..i try to forget but somehow they keep ..Haunting me..!..Telling me..” I m ur past its impossible to forget me”..The more I try to forget the more situations make me remember them. .!

Was quite small wen I joined my first skul..!..VMS the school dat taught me everythin..!dat I m.!.it gave me everything dat I have.!! But it took away ..a lot of things..!dat I didn’t want to loose..but had to.!..it gave me my best frnd..wit whom I rarely talk now..it showd me how frnds can betray u..!..how my frnds betrayed me..!but ..i didn’t stop lovin anyone..!..or..trustin anyone..!..I class 9..16th sept..i took the sip of vodka..!May dat was sum experience..!..the world goin round.!..or is it me.!i could see the Victoria memorial..Upside down.!..!those frnds who accompanied me..then..doesnt even call me 1ce.still I sit back..n think abt them.!.now if by chance I meet them..i can feel that they have moved on..Somewhere…may be..They didn’t ever accept me..as theirs.!..somehow I lost them..!ppl come n go ..in your life..it is u ..who have to be..Practical abt it..!dis truth..my parents told me..long back now ..i understand the meaning of it.!!...it was class 9..wen I felt the first taste of bunking..!..those days were really something to remember n to cherish..!..still miss those hard benches..where we used to sit..that small classroom..where..in the hot n sultry afternoon the teacher shouted ..to their voices…9B the not notorious class in skul..i sat back n enjoyed.!.!.never really thought dat these day really would cum to n end.!.that 1 games period ..in a week..!made us eagerly wait for it.!..!running around the cemented filed…skinning our knees ..shouting kho….wow…!dat was something.!..things changed later..the only frnd I had some how turned their back on me.!..i felt alone..i cried all nit..may be for the loss of a frnd or understandin that wat my parents told me..turned out t be true.!..!..days felt like weeks..!..still had to move on..! n so I did..!changed my skul..!.....thing were new out here..!new friends.!.new everything..!..i felt a relief..!..somehow..!...my past didn’t coincide wit my ..present..!...but..ya I was worng..it did…!wen I came..it whispered in my ears..!..”me aint leaving u.” …rumor…is a grt traveler..!n it was..!....it spread..!like anything…..but I some how managed ..to put the things in the track..tried to find the root of this..was not at all surprised dat ..it was my on friends ..or so called frnds..i felt the need to e alone…I tried but failed..New frnds entered my life..somehow..i mixed up wit them..!...hangin out…chattin..all continued full fledged .! ..my frnds didn’t betry me..!...but now….!...even wit 450 contacts may be more than a thousand frnds ..surrounding…!today ..somehow…I feel LONELY…I FEEL M AGAIN..BETRAYED..I HAVE AGIN LOST MY DIRECTION..DONT KNOW ..WHERE M LEADIN TO.!

enough..!is enough..!..!
i hate wen ppl do dis..!.....
sob ka ek limlt hota hai..!...aur..logon ko..us limit me rahena chaihe..!..!..!.......n turst me...!if..some 1..crosses it..!to tries to cross it..i will kick his f**ckin ass so hard..!..!.... dat person..would never hear the call of his or her own child..!....
 man y cant ppl have their work..!..y do they have to get in my way..!??!
y?..m i really dat imp?>!>....ok..!if any one of.. u ..think... dat..den let me just tell u...!
F**CK U~!!!!!..!..!..see bro...or sis..!..plz..!..!....rumours..!r rumours..!but..!those ..!F**ckin rumours..has a F**CKIN limit.!..!..n may be ..i dont like jokes..!..!..!..!..ok..!plz..!....u ppl..who doesnt have..!any other work..!except...pokin their F**CKIN....nose..in my F**CKIN LIfe..!...!stay out of...it...!..if  I f**Ckin come to hear..any of ur F**ckin..!bulshit..!..!..and just get to know the F**kin name.!,.,.of the F**CKIN person..who is spreadin..all dis F**Ckin...!thin..!..!get sure..!dat.. i will F**ckin..!kill u ON that F**CKIN spot.!...1